I get it, I do, not everyone knows about ship life! Feel free to ask me questions any time as long as they are nothing like these…
For comedic relief this is an amalgamation 0f the stupidest things I have ever heard whilst sailing the seas:
1. Do these stairs go up or down?
Um, those stairs work exactly the same way as they do on land…
2. How do I get the elevator to the front of the ship?
This is not Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory! The lift does not go horizontally through the ship. Just walk to the forward section of the ship and get in the lift.
3. Do I have to get off the ship to go on my shore excursion?
Did the word shore not give it away? Yes! You have to go back to dry land (Don’t worry you won’t die)
4. Do the staff live on-board?
No…They commute every single day…
5. Is the water in my toilet salt water or fresh water?
It worries me that you even want to know!
6. Don’t you worry that it will sink like the Titanic?
Why would I? When you get on any other mode of transport do you presume you are going to your death? Plus, all of my ships have had sufficient life boats. So I think ships learnt their lesson from that particular disaster.
7. I slept in my life jacket just in case…
This one made me burst into laughter in the middle of breakfast service. It was professed by an old woman at the next table and the idiocy of it was just too much for me. So you thought that when things got choppy sailing through the Bay of Biscay; we would abandon the huge ship with the stabilisers in favour of a plastic life boat…Logic!
8. Will my number two fit down the toilet?
I had no response for this I just laughed hysterically. (The person who said this may kill me. If you read this, I’m sorry! But it was too funny not to share)
9. I can’t find the door…
This one was courtesy of my Mum. Her sense of direction is the worst and she couldn’t get off the pool deck because she assumed that ALL doors were crew doors.
10. Don’t put your dentures in a glass on the night stand or there will be a shark attack…
This gem was actually said by my Captain. He knew the average age of his ship was, well…ancient! So this joke was cracked over the PA system in reference to rough sea’s.
And to round it up here’s something stupid I said before my first ever cruise: Do I have to climb down a rope ladder to board the tender?
If you have ever said anything silly or heard anything that tickled you, comment them below! Lets make each other laugh this fine Saturday afternoon